There’s No Right Way to Grieve: What Grief Might Actually Feel Like
Grief isn’t always loud. It doesn’t always look like sobbing or staying in bed.
Sometimes it looks like going through the motions with a numb heart. Sometimes it’s deep exhaustion, anxiety, irritability, or feeling like the world has kept moving but you haven’t.
The truth is: there is no single “right” way to grieve — and if you’re grieving something right now (or still carrying a loss from years ago), your process is valid.
What Grief Can Actually Feel Like
We’ve all been shown a certain picture of grief: sadness, tears, and eventually, “closure.”
But real grief often doesn’t follow that script.
It can feel like:
A fog you can’t shake
Being overwhelmed by small things
Wanting to be alone, but also not wanting to feel lonely
Crying in waves, for no obvious reason
Feeling disconnected from your body
Being “fine” for weeks, then suddenly unraveling
Struggling to feel anything at all
Grief doesn’t just live in the heart — it shows up in your nervous system, your sleep, your appetite, your memory, your relationships.
Types of Grief I Work With
Grief isn’t always about death. Many people carry grief from losses that aren’t always recognised — even by those closest to them.
These might include:
Death of a loved one (including complicated or unresolved loss)
Estrangement from family or friends
Miscarriage, fertility grief, or child loss
Loss of identity or role (e.g. career, faith, parenthood)
Chronic illness or disability changes
Relationship endings (including non-traditional or unacknowledged partnerships)
Life not turning out how you thought it would
This is often called ambiguous or disenfranchised grief — the kind of grief that isn’t given permission by society, but is still very real
You Don’t Need to Be “Over It”
Grief doesn’t move in neat stages. It’s not something to get through and leave behind — it’s something we learn to live with, adapt to, and honour in our own way.
And if you’re still grieving something years later? That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means your love was real. Your loss was real. And you’re still human.
How Trauma-Informed Therapy Can Help
I offer gentle, grief-aware counselling for people navigating all kinds of loss — especially the quiet, confusing, long-haul grief that doesn’t always get named.
In sessions, there’s no pressure to “talk it out” or “move on.” We might sit in silence. We might cry. We might breathe, journal, or just witness what’s present together. We work with what your nervous system can hold. We move at your pace.
Some Ways You Can Support Yourself in Grief (If You’re Not Ready for Therapy Yet)
Here are a few gentle practices that many of my clients have found helpful while moving through loss:
Create a grief ritual: Light a candle, keep a journal, take a daily walk where you let yourself feel without fixing.
Let grief take up space in your body: Move, rest, cry, stretch. Your body is grieving too.
Treat yourself like a house plant: Sunshine, water, food and kind words. Just give yourself the essentials until your energy rebuilds.
Protect your energy: Limit who you explain yourself to. Not everyone gets it — and that’s okay.
Name what you’re grieving: Even if it’s not something others would understand. Naming it makes it real.
And perhaps most importantly: remind yourself that grief is not a problem to solve. It’s a process to be witnessed and supported.
You Don’t Have to Grieve Alone
If you’re feeling lost in your grief — whether it’s fresh or decades old — you’re not doing it wrong.
Grief is love with nowhere to go.
Therapy can be a place where that love, that ache, that complexity, has somewhere to land.
You’re welcome to reach out for a free 15-minute discovery call to see if working together might feel supportive.
There’s no rush, no pressure — just one small step toward not holding it all alone.