Overreacting or Overprotecting?
How Nervous System Responses Hijack the Moment
Have you ever lashed out, shut down, or burst into tears.. and then immediately thought: "What’s wrong with me?"
Maybe it was a small comment. A shift in tone. A last-minute change of plans.
And suddenly, your heart is racing, your stomach sinks, and everything in you says: “This isn’t safe.”
What you’re (or others are) calling “overreacting” might actually be a protective nervous system response.
Some might refer to this as a trauma response — but here, we’ll call it what it is: your body trying to keep you safe.
It’s not about weakness. It’s about protection.
And it makes perfect sense once you understand how your nervous system works.
What Is a Nervous System Response or Protective Pattern?
Trauma isn’t just about the event itself.. it’s about how your body perceived and experienced it.
When something overwhelms your capacity to cope, be it emotionally, physically, or relationally - your nervous system stores that experience in a kind of “protection archive.”
So when something feels even vaguely similar in the future (even if it isn’t actually dangerous), your body responds as if the past is happening all over again.
This is what we call a nervous system response — and it can show up in everyday moments, even when no real threat is present.
According to Polyvagal Theory (Porges, 2011), these responses often take the form of:
Fight — anger, irritability, defensiveness
Flight — anxiety, panic, overworking, avoiding
Freeze — shutting down, dissociating, going numb
Fawn — people-pleasing, self-abandonment, appeasement
These aren’t flaws or personality traits.
They’re ancient, intelligent survival strategies that your body learned for a reason.
Why Do I React This Way?
When something feels emotionally charged, unpredictable, or overwhelming - your brain and body respond automatically. This isn’t about being “too sensitive.” Your body and brain is literally wired for survival.
Here’s what’s going on in your brain:
Your amygdala: “the brain’s alarm system”, is constantly scanning for danger, especially social or emotional threats like rejection or disapproval.
Your hippocampus: (which helps you understand time and context) may misinterpret this moment as a repeat of something painful from the past.
Your prefrontal cortex: “the rational part of your brain”, goes temporarily offline when you’re in a state of dysregulation, making it hard to reflect or make sense of what’s happening.
Your autonomic nervous system kicks in instantly.. you might feel your chest tighten, your breath shorten, your mind fog over, or your stomach drop. This is your body preparing you to fight, flee, freeze, or fawn.
And all of this can happen in under a second, long before your conscious mind even catches up.
You’re not irrational. You’re not overreacting.
Your body is responding to remembered danger.. not the current moment.
This is your body WORKING for you. (It just needs to learn it’s now safe!)
Everyday Examples of Protective Nervous System Responses
These patterns don’t always look extreme. In fact, they often show up in subtle, everyday ways:
Cancelling plans when someone doesn’t reply quickly enough
Feeling rejected after a minor disagreement
Crying or going silent after receiving feedback
Overexplaining or apologising for simply existing
Avoiding conflict because it feels physically unsafe
Pulling away from people, even when you long for connection
You might feel confused by your own reactions.
Others might call you “dramatic,” “too sensitive,” or “emotional.”
But none of those labels are true.
Your body is simply doing what it was wired to do: protect you.
How to Support Yourself When This Happens
You don’t have to stay stuck in the cycle of overwhelm → shame → shutdown.
These gentle, nervous-system-aware tools can support you to move through it with compassion:
1. Name what’s happening
“This feels hard. My nervous system might be responding to something old.”
Naming the response reduces shame and helps re-engage your thinking brain.
2. Orient to the present moment
Look around the room. Do the “3-3-3” technique.
Name 3 things you can see, move 3 parts of your body and take 3 breaths with awareness.
Let your body register that this moment is different.
3. Try a regulating breath
Inhale for 4, exhale for 6. Count this mentally.
Longer exhales support the parasympathetic nervous system, helping your body feel safer.
4. Soothe the body first, then reflect
Use grounding tools like:
Self-hold (hand on chest and belly, or forehead and back of your neck)
Cold water on your hands
Weighted objects
Scents that you like
5. Seek co-regulation
Reach out to someone safe (ie. friend, family, therapist)
Nervous systems regulate best in connection, not in isolation.
A Gentle Reminder:
It’s possible to build new pathways — slowly, safely, and in your own time.
Ready to explore these patterns with care?
If you’re recognising yourself here, and you’re ready to understand your triggers, reclaim your voice, and move through life with more steadiness and self-trust, I’d love to support you.
At Counselling with Mollie, I offer:
- Trauma-informed counselling online (Australia-wide)
- In-person sessions on the Gold Coast
- Specialised support for grief, ADHD, burnout, trauma, and emotional overwhelm